Put On Your Damn Stomping Boots & DO IT Anyways

This morning I snoozed my alarm a good ten times (and I never snooze my alarms)

I was just not feeling it (read as I did NOT want to get out of bed, like at all)

I fully embodied my teenage self, wrapping myself deeper under the covers with every alarm deciding my bed and I should be one for the day.

And with every alarm being snoozed the voice inside got louder...
"WHAT ARE YOU MORE COMMITTED TOO"

(thank fuck I've learnt the high level questions to ask myself)

And with every tune of birds and the ocean (I don't do screechy alarms) I became clearer and clearer that THIS is the moment that really freaking matters.

This is what I've been learning about
This is what I've gotten to look at

THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY

SO I got up and I checked in with myself (not the part of me that wanted to sleep all day) and asked what She needed. And I gave her all that She did.

I had a whole world of concerns, AND I chose to address them from a space that would move me forward and not have me fuel the world of concerns.

I literally dragged myself into my day.

My workout was paused as I experienced massive waves of anxiety.
My tuning in emotional as I released whatever was on my chest.
My shower long as I had wave after wave of feeling so freaking uncomfortable and avoidant to do anything except hide today. 
My morning felt as though I was literally dragging myself through each moment. And the reminder of I'VE GOT YOU was repeated again and again.

NONE of this is being shared for any support, please don't offer solutions or ask if I'm okay, because 1. I am and 2. as much as I appreciate you and them, I've actually got this haha and 3. This isn't something to 'get rid of'.

This is purely to remind you that there is ALWAYS space to give ourselves what we need and we have to be disciplined enough to know what that is and not simply give in to the parts of us that frankly just want to do nothing and jump ship on what we're up too in the world.

So today, I've played loud music all day, worn chunky ass boots, rocked some epic earrings, and dressed myself in a way that had me feel damn powerful, grounded and like a Woman on a mission...while drinking cups of tea from my delicate tea pot #contrast 😂

And you know what? It's mid afternoon and I feel fucking good about who I've been today, and who I get to know myself as.

It would have been SO easy to stay stuck this morning.

To swirl with the concerns.

To buy into the stories. And I could have, no one would know different. But I'm so much more committed to experiencing a damn exquisite life and with that comes the days where you literally drag yourself into the world (and show up for yourself as you do)

🤘👑

Having a ‘NEXT LEVEL’ Hangover

This week I’ve really operated at an entirely new level for myself.

I’ve requested like a MOFO
I’ve let go of performing and just been me
I’ve expressed what needed to be said 
I’ve received massively 
I’ve asked for more support 
I’ve been served 
I’ve been really ducking cared for
I’ve played full out it so many ways

And last night, I noticed just how vulnerable I felt. She crept in subtly in the morning. I felt her tiny footsteps dancing around my chest. And as the day moved on She started to spin faster and faster. Until by night time She had spun so much that I was swirling with Her in my head.

Except this time I didn’t pretend, I just let Her dance. I spun with Her for a moment until I saw what was happening. And I decided to not join Her. Instead noticing Her choreography. Her moves portraying a world of stories to the similar tune of playing small. Dulling down. Shrinking back.

This morning She’s still dancing around, except now She’s pulling out new moves, ones of fear and sadness. Fear of going home. Fear of not continuing to play at this level. Fear of old ways. Sadness to leave what has been a life changing week.

And it could be so easy to dance with Her. She looks so beautiful as She swirls around again and again. Leaping across my chest.

But instead I’m choosing to witness Her and watch Her beauty & truly thank Her for trying to keep us protected. She can keep dancing. I’ll let Her. For I know soon She will tire and realise that Her dance can be one of play and possibility.

The hangover I feel from everything the past week is real, I feel it on so many levels. And it could be so easy to shrink back and water myself down with all the stories and reasons why not. But I’m not committed to that.

I’m committed to being so much more than that. 
I’m committed to really BEING and living the way I choose and not the way I’ve gotten used too. For I’ve truly seen that nothing is off limits in our life, and we can live however we desire. If we’re willing to go first.

Saying YES to the Things that Align

Here's what gets to happen when you say YES to the things that you actually feel called to do, AND do whatever it takes to have them happen...YOU REALISE THAT YOU GET TO HAVE, BE AND DO WHATEVER THE HECK YOU WANT.

I realised today that literally ANYTHING in my life I desire, I have zero doubt I can create.

Move to Bali with zero debt by Feb 2019? DONE
Create (with such damn fun and ease) a thriving VA agency which lights me, my team, and our clients up? DONE
Support epic, visionary, bad ass women in doing the shit they love? DONE
Travel to QLD for an EPIC event with my soul tribe next year? DONE

Literally ANY idea that lands in my heart, and feels good, is as good as done.

Even with having zero fucking idea on how.

PERFECT EXAMPLE:

Right now as I write this, my bank balance is nowhere near debt free. In fact far from it.

Truly.

Today I was back in HOLY FREAKING HECK how will I do all the things I've said yes too this month.

And for a few hours it threw me. Like really got me.

And then I realised, heck, it's going to be uncomfortable (that comes hand in hand with all the awesomeness #duhlauren) AND it also doesn't needed to be so damn hard.

I have ZERO doubt that everything I say yes to , everything that feels aligned, everything I see possible IS DONE.

AND I have built this THROUGH saying yes to the things, and taking aligned action to create what I feel called to along the way.

This has been BUILT through showing up
THROUGH deeply freaking trusting
THROUGH taking aligned action every.single.day

So yes, right now the things I know are as good as done, aren't yet in my physical reality AND I equally know they are still done.

Following me here? 😂😂😂😂

THAT is what gets to happen when you say yes, and then show up and do the things. You get to know yourself as someone who HAS things happen.

Like Bali on Wednesday (I had ZERO idea on how I'd be in Bali twice in a month, and yet...off I go)

Say yes.
Work it out.
Say yes again.
AND show up in the discomfort.

Or don't be willing to do any of it, and then equally don't be willing to sit and complain.

🤘

It's All a Part of It

"I'm so deeply, utterly, truly grateful that we were the ones chosen to go through the depths we've emerged from"

What surfaced from a morning spent connecting in with a Soul Sister online.

From sexual abuse, trauma, suicide attempts, years of self harm, grief, loss and complete self destruction, to navigating the pain and being with the heartache. To now be the Woman I am who so boldly speaks her Voice and knows her stand in the world.

Who has a deep knowing there is a bigger reason to it all, that there is something so much bigger at play.

KNOWING with every inch of my being that I was chosen to walk this life for something even I don't yet understand.

Its a gift. It truly is.

Lately I've felt even more deeply rooted in this understanding that nothing in life is a mistake. That everything is rolling into the next thing. That it's all so beautiful, intrinsically connected.

and even (ESPECIALLY) in the moments I don't yet understand it, or the times where I still wonder "what's the purpose of it all" there is always that deep anchoring, deep deep faith and knowing that there truly is a bigger reason.

Something bigger than us is at play, and I for one am grateful to be a vessel for all that is.

Your life was perfectly created for you, what if you chose to see that, to be with that, to embrace that?

What beauty could emerge from even the darkest moments of your journey then...

It's ALL a part of it.

I'm Lauren


I'm Lauren and I'm loyal as fuck.

When I love, I love deep.
When I hold space, I hold intentionally.
When I commit, I go all in. 
And when it no longer serves us, I'm out.

I'm messy at times, chaotic even
My words cut through the bullshit
My vision soars high 
My intentions are clear

I give a shit.
I really give a shit.
And I'll give parts of me, parts others may not
And if they're not respected you'll find the door

I thrive in creation
I am lit up by passion
I am ignited by desires

I get bored in the grey.
I like black and white.
All or nothing.
Balance doesn't excite me.

I have fears of being stuck.
Held down in one space has me fight.
My Soul desires to roam.
She needs more than being locked into anything for too long.

And sometimes I make that wrong. 

I'm Lauren and I'm complex to some.
Unable to be worked out
Unpredictable at times
And yet my loyalty and commitment to myself runs deeper than any roots

And if that gets shared with you, it runs that deep too. 

I often wonder if someone will ever 'get me' 
And at times loneliness is real
I love on myself even deeper then
A love no other can replace 

I'm Lauren and I'm so much and so little all at once
Deep thinker
Intimate lover
Dear Sister

A Woman on a mission
A lover of life
A creator
A conversation starter

And just...Lauren <3