I Still Get Insecure, Anxious, Uneasy...
It's been a month being in Bali (where did that go?!) and as I sit in the airport to head to Singapore for the day I can't help but notice how much "the things" I used to feel, are still present at times for me.
In the moments when I'm sitting alone in a busy airport, I feel alone. I feel parts of anxiety activated. I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me. I feel like I'm not safe at times.
The stories in my mind get louder.
The voices and the insecurities rummage around in my mind to find a megaphone and blast my ear drums with a whole bunch of fears, doubts, insecurities and old wounds.
And I don't make myself wrong for it.
I don't beat myself up.
I don't tell them to shut up.
I sit with them.
I make them a cup of tea.
I ask them what they need, and I speak to myself with total kindness.
I speak to that part of me with total kindness.
"Honey, I promise I have you. In all the ways I have you. Regardless, we are so supported - always in all ways. I've got you"
And then I imagine wrapping her in my soft pink blanket I bought her and soothing her back to sleep.
She is apart of me too.
The little girl who just wants to feel safe, heard, gotten and protected.
She deserves love as much as the firey, go-getter part of me.
She is valid.
And in these moments when I'm alone in an airport, doing my first Singapore dash, realising I've been here for a month (which is the longest I've been away for before) and I'm not flying home...I get to remind myself even MORE how much I truly have me.
And how okay it all is.
I want you to know that the parts in you that feel all of these things, the anxious parts, the scared parts, the insecure parts, they don't magically vanish.
You know how to support yourself through them.
You get to know what they need.
You get to learn how to be with them.
And you get that they are equally welcomed and as much as a part of you as the parts you decide are acceptable.
Even the people doing the things and who are 'brave' and all that...feel the things too.
With love & a dose of OWN your humanness.