This morning as I walked into my 6am Bikram class #becauseendorphins, I noticed HUGE waves of self judgement.
ahhh hello old friend.
As I opened the door and stepped into the space I had to giggle, "nothing like a cup of judgement before 6am"
I realised long ago that self judgement isn't something we get rid of.
It's just something that's there.
That rises from time to time.
That's a natural part of being human
AND it doesn't need to mean anything.
Let's repeat that bit ==> IT DOESN'T NEED TO MEAN ANYTHING
In fact it can just be a laughable thought followed by "I love you, whatcha need girl?"
And I get it.
I get how debilitating it can be. I have spent many years spiralling in my head, trying to change who I am, wishing I was different, adapting, conforming, squishing. Wondering what was wrong with me.
And you know what I realised? We ALL experience it. There is nothing to change. And it actually doesn't need to mean anything about us. Except that we're human.
So this morning as I stepped in the Yoga space, with my body that has changed again and again, my hair that is shorter than I'm used too, my boobs that are itty bitty, and my mind full of stories of what it all COULD mean...
....I stripped down, sat in my sports bra and looked at myself in the mirror with such awe of the Woman before me.
A woman who...
.... would once NEVER strip off like this unless she was "skinny enough"
... would once spiral into deep depression and anxiety over thoughts like this
... would once punish her body for looking the way it does
... would once withdraw and hide away in the midst of other women who she decided were "better than her"
... would once look at the Woman before her now and never imagine she would be her.
Self judgement and all.
Can you be with yourself in the humanness?