This week I’ve really operated at an entirely new level for myself.
I’ve requested like a MOFO
I’ve let go of performing and just been me
I’ve expressed what needed to be said
I’ve received massively
I’ve asked for more support
I’ve been served
I’ve been really ducking cared for
I’ve played full out it so many ways
And last night, I noticed just how vulnerable I felt. She crept in subtly in the morning. I felt her tiny footsteps dancing around my chest. And as the day moved on She started to spin faster and faster. Until by night time She had spun so much that I was swirling with Her in my head.
Except this time I didn’t pretend, I just let Her dance. I spun with Her for a moment until I saw what was happening. And I decided to not join Her. Instead noticing Her choreography. Her moves portraying a world of stories to the similar tune of playing small. Dulling down. Shrinking back.
This morning She’s still dancing around, except now She’s pulling out new moves, ones of fear and sadness. Fear of going home. Fear of not continuing to play at this level. Fear of old ways. Sadness to leave what has been a life changing week.
And it could be so easy to dance with Her. She looks so beautiful as She swirls around again and again. Leaping across my chest.
But instead I’m choosing to witness Her and watch Her beauty & truly thank Her for trying to keep us protected. She can keep dancing. I’ll let Her. For I know soon She will tire and realise that Her dance can be one of play and possibility.
The hangover I feel from everything the past week is real, I feel it on so many levels. And it could be so easy to shrink back and water myself down with all the stories and reasons why not. But I’m not committed to that.
I’m committed to being so much more than that.
I’m committed to really BEING and living the way I choose and not the way I’ve gotten used too. For I’ve truly seen that nothing is off limits in our life, and we can live however we desire. If we’re willing to go first.