TO ALL THE 20 SOMETHINGS UNSURE OF WHAT TO DO WITH THEIR LIVES

This is for all the 20 something’s wandering through their world questioning what the heck they’re even doing here.

I get it.

I turn 26 in a few weeks and if I have a month go by where I’m NOT questioning what I’m doing with my life then I’m on a roll (and usually the next month I have weekly thoughts of it). These are the top 10 things I’d say to myself and any other 20 somethings right now.

  1. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to BE a certain way and allow yourself to just BE who ever you are in that moment (oh and be ok with THIS being a huge part of the journey, and messy AF at times too)

  2. Give yourself permission to change your damn mind. Hi I’m Lauren and if we haven’t met yet I change my mind less than I change my underwear (because #hygiene) but a lot more than others do. Changing your mind is okay, welcome to being human. It’s the stories we attach to it and WHY we’re changing our mind that is the ‘issue’

  3. Understand that you are only a quarter (if you’re a big dreamer aiming for triple digits like me) of your way through your life and if you DID have it all worked out now…what’s the point of the rest of it?

  4. Everyone elses path is THEIR OWN. If your best friend is getting married and your other best friend is unemployed living at home and you’re in the middle going confused AF as to what you should be doing by now…thats your huge flashing sign to stop looking to others and choose what YOU want to be doing

  5. Shoulds get to be removed from your language. Just kick them off to the side, you don’t need them

  6. Please please please stop looking to social media for the answers

  7. Play with your life and experience it! Anything that intrigues you (and isn’t illegal, although your life & like I said above..you choose ;) ) say yes to it. How will you know if it is or isn’t for you if you don’t?

  8. Have mentors but don’t become them (AHHHH I had to laugh at myself for this one. I’ve been here ALOT and am unlearning it right now). Be YOU and be ok with not knowing who that is yet.

  9. Guess what! Every day you can start again. So if you don’t like who you were yesterday, take a look at why, be honest with yourself, and if it’s just not you choose differently today!

  10. Lastly, give yourself a break. None of us know what we’re doing - we’re all pretending and making it up as we go

With love & a dose of own your humanness

L x

NO Space for BS Stories

I have zerrrooooo space for bullshit stories about how you can't live how you want, be who you want, create what you want OR complain about the shit you DON'T have while doing NOTHING to get closer to what you desire.

NONE.

ZERO.

MINS 102847 space.

AND I fucking struggled to admit that for so long.

I let my old self be the reason I DIDN’T speak boldly, and yet She is the damn reason I need too.

All the BS stories on why I couldn't be "like this" because the me now would have triggered the fuck out of me back then.

A whole world of reasons why I was walking around carrying a self watering-watering can, making myself digestible enough for others to feel safe in their smallness.

Meanwhile the rebel in me screaming to be let out.

Until, there was NO holding her back.

She's doing her thang now.

And we literally NO space for BS smallness in our life.

Wanna play victim? epic
Wanna stay small? sweet
Wanna complain about all the shit in your life? cool 
Wanna hide out in your BS stories? you do you

But fuck me I will not stand around and listen to it.

YAWN.
YUCK.
NO.

It's frankly boring.

I get bored of myself when I drop into even the street before that road.

Why?

Because YOU/WE ARE SO MUCH MORE FUCKING CAPABLE AND JUICY THAN THAT.

And the moment we GET that?

Suddenly nothing is impossible.

THIS is the shit I wish people saw and got.

THIS is the 'secret'

THIS is the difference that makes the difference.

BEING UN-FUCKING-AVAILABLE FOR ANY OF THE BS ABOUT YOU BEING POWERLESS.

I laugh at how much I see possible now.

At how much I don't even entertain "can't"

At how much I refuse to be told I need to be/do/have something different than what I am.

At how much I CHOOSE my life.

At how much anytime I desire something, I CHOOSE how to have it happen.

It just IS how I live now.

I laugh because it feels like I finally "found" the secret.

There ya go, people always want the secret to get "there"

The steps.

The broken down, easy to digest, "how-to life for dummies" manual (lol I almost didn't write that bit) - but seriously we all want the key.

Well....

THAT’S IT

Being UN-FUCKING-AVAILABLE for your BS stories and get that you're a fucking HUMAN which means you're INCREDIBLE and full of POSSIBILITY and have the capacity to SHIFT anything in your life you desire.

AND be willing to go through whatever it takes to have it happen.

THE FUCKING END.

Oh and I just want to highlight the human bit. H U M A N so get that you will FEEL human stuff too.

Be ok with that.

That's the shit people run from which is why they don't live the life they desire.

YUP.

No watering cans in sight around here anymore.

With love & a dose of OWN your humanness

🖤

Rebellious Heart | Sassy Mind | Fiery Soul

I GOT BORED OF PLAYING SMALL

I just claimed it && got tired of pretending I was small.


In fact the conversation of me playing small fucking bored me.


It tasted gross coming out of my mouth.

I would dig around in my little treasure chest of smallness, finding something I could focus on to have an issue with my coach and there be SOMETHING wrong.

Why?

Because it was safe.

But so fucking old.

It felt old.

It sounded old.

It WAS old.


(and trust me, I loved on that part of me too but now she gets her little blanket and told she's ok while I continue expanding into what's next)

And I became so freaking aware of what I was doing, constantly, that even as the words would come out of my fingertips I would shudder.

"I SEE what you're doing"

"Yes but what if I don't have an issue that I need help with? We can't claim that we're ok without something wrong?! That's too...bold"

"It's time to claim THAT"

"Yeah but, growth! There is always room to grow, we aren't ready!"

"Honey I see you, and we are, this shit's done, STOP it"

I would trick myself in the story of "there is ALWAYS more room to grow" and continue digging around to find something new to focus on that was 'wrong' with my life.

I am addicted to growth, I fucking love seeing the new edge and expanding into it, I love the process of it, I love how it feels looking at what's next, I love all of it.

AND I also could see so damn clearly where I would use that as a reason to stay small and NEED someone else to hide behind to grow with.

That's what it became.

Hiding.

Smallness.

Not claiming that I'm o-fucking-kay and in fact ANYTHING in my life that I desire I know with every inch of me that I have the capacity to create it.

Until I claimed it.

I started owning when I was playing small.

And in fact I'd say "GROSS I'm doing that thing" and stop it.

Then an old agreement ended, it was time, the dynamic changed & new dynamics/relationships stepped into.

There was a grieving process for me.

That was real.

I was letting go of the safety net in many dynamics, not just this one, that I had clung too.

I honoured that.

I honoured what it was for me.

And then I claimed my power in a whole new way.

A deeper strength came through.

A bolder voice.

A complete knowing that I had me, re-fucking-gardless.

There's no room for playing small anymore.

And the whole conversation fucking bores me.

I have no space for it.

I won't entertain it in myself or others.

And it doesn't appear in my world anymore now. Or if it does those around me, or I, claim it and move on.

The old play small to get attention and bla bla bullshit is done.

It's boring.

Isn't it time you got bored of your bullshit and quit playing small too?

With love && a dose of own your humanness

🖤

Rebellious Heart | Sassy Mind | Fiery Soul

I Still Get Insecure, Anxious, Uneasy...

It's been a month being in Bali (where did that go?!) and as I sit in the airport to head to Singapore for the day I can't help but notice how much "the things" I used to feel, are still present at times for me.

In the moments when I'm sitting alone in a busy airport, I feel alone. I feel parts of anxiety activated. I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me. I feel like I'm not safe at times.

The stories in my mind get louder.

The voices and the insecurities rummage around in my mind to find a megaphone and blast my ear drums with a whole bunch of fears, doubts, insecurities and old wounds.

And I don't make myself wrong for it.

I don't beat myself up.

I don't tell them to shut up.

I sit with them.

I make them a cup of tea.

I ask them what they need, and I speak to myself with total kindness.

I speak to that part of me with total kindness.

"Honey, I promise I have you. In all the ways I have you. Regardless, we are so supported - always in all ways. I've got you"

And then I imagine wrapping her in my soft pink blanket I bought her and soothing her back to sleep.

She is apart of me too.

The little girl who just wants to feel safe, heard, gotten and protected.

She deserves love as much as the firey, go-getter part of me.

She is valid.

And in these moments when I'm alone in an airport, doing my first Singapore dash, realising I've been here for a month (which is the longest I've been away for before) and I'm not flying home...I get to remind myself even MORE how much I truly have me.

And how okay it all is.

I want you to know that the parts in you that feel all of these things, the anxious parts, the scared parts, the insecure parts, they don't magically vanish.

You know how to support yourself through them.

You get to know what they need.

You get to learn how to be with them.

And you get that they are equally welcomed and as much as a part of you as the parts you decide are acceptable.

Even the people doing the things and who are 'brave' and all that...feel the things too.

With love & a dose of OWN your humanness.

🖤

OH SO YOU'RE PLAYING SMALL?!

I used to water this part of me down.

Throw five bottles of fabric softener at her.

PRE CHEW her to be digestible.

To have OTHERS feel comfortable. Ok, validated in their smallness.

Now? F U C K that.

With love and a dose of OWN your damn power, it's done.

My smoothing the rough edges does NOTHING for your claiming space, in facts it shrinks the capacity of us both.

So it's done.

Sooooo you're playing small?

Thinking that you're special because you're afraid of being seen and so you dim down.

Hide away.

Pretending you're not good enough to do those things.

WAKE UP.

We all feel it.

Heck the amount of times lately I've had the BS story of "Who am I too?!"

"Who am I too claim my voice in that way?"

"Who am I too create that thing that's coming through?"

"Who am I too say no to someone who asked to see me?"

"Who am I too change plans"

" Who am I too claim that I get to create spoken word, share my voice and be fucking seen"

WHO AM I TOO?!?!

Wah wah wah
Play small
Shrink back
Where's that watering jug gone?!?

So I get it.

I GET the playing small
I get the hiding away
I get the deciding that "you're not XYZ enough too"

And I also get that that is just apart of it.

I LOVE those parts of me, just like you get to love on yours too, but come on - you've got to get that THEY DON'T MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR.

Heck I feel they get louder.

You just get better at showing up anyways.

At recognising they exist but still speaking up.

At choosing to be more fucking committed to your voice and LIVING fully self expressed than the BS stories that could keep you small.

Because you get, hey that's apart of being human but to HELL if I'm letting it stop me.

So yeah, who are you too AND who are you not too damn it.

Claim that shit.
Be it.
And it's done.

🖤

Rebellious Heart || Sassy Mind || Fiery Soul

This is For the Ones...

This morning as I was riding to my new fave cafe I couldn't help but think - FUCK...this is my life?!

I had just finished a morning of connecting with fucking epic women who I adore, smiling to my cleaner as I left my villa, thanking her deeply for all she does, jumping on my scooter, feeling the bubbling of creation in me (I am jittery with joy to create lately) I couldn't help but FEEL so fucking lit up that THIS is my life.

THIS isn't a holiday.

THIS isn't weird or out of the ordinary

THIS is how I live now.

And I noticed a moment of "I can't share this, what about people who don't live this way? Who think OHHHH that's easy for you to feel that way Lauren you're in Bali?!" So I swiftly wrote this.

Because THIS gets a voice too.

This is for the ones...

This is for the ones who frankly, don’t give a fuck.

Who live a life rebelling against LUCK.

Choose how they feel,

Ignoring the highlight reel

Showing up in all that is.

Never ever settling.

For this life?
They’re never forgetting.

This is for the ones who are WILLING

Willing to be with it all,

Even when it feels so god damn unsure.

And proudly declaring a big fuck you

To anyone

Who tells them to live otherwise.

And, this is for the ones who haven’t yet found their voice.

Who want to feel this way but are lost under the noise

The ideals on who they should be

The ways in which they should lead

The acceptability of that which they are

And not ready to break away too far.

This is for you.

I’ll stand with you.

I’ll stand for you.

I’ll be with it all.

This is a stand, for women and men.

LIVING for them.

A fuck you if you will, for all that is waiting UNTIL....

We’re perfect
We’re smaller
We’re without any flaws
Hiding away, playing so small.

The time is now
We get to stand proud
Scars and all
Hear us fucking roar.

This is for the ones…

This is for you.

🖤

You Deserve More

I decided I would gift myself the life I wanted & a BOLD stand for you. 
.
.

I've been asked lately "why Bali"

And aside from the initial "why NOT Bali?!" my response has been consistent....

...."because I have chosen to gift myself the life I didn't have"

See, I love the life I've lead.

The last 25 years have been wild.

From traumatic to utterly bliss.

It's been a ride.

But it's not secret that it's been hard.

There's been heart ache, trauma, loss, grief and frankly - statistically the odds weren't in my favour for turning my life around (but I REFUSE to be a statistic)

So I decided to claim that moving forward my life wouldn't be like that anymore.

That that chapter in my life was done.

And god does it feel done.

I get life happens.

And I also get I can choose how I show up in it.

I decided that I was dropping any story that "I couldn't be that, I couldn't have that, I couldn't create that" because why the heck not?!

I decided that I would say yes to everything that nourishes me and a clear hard no to that which doesn't.

I decided that my life got to look however I damn well pleased - because it is my life.

I decided I would do WHATEVER IT TOOK to create it (more on this another day, but seriously doing WHATEVER it takes is a muscle that I am so god damn grateful I grew).

That REGARDLESS of what I believe others may think or say, I show up and do it anyways. Because I am so fucking committed to being a BOLD stand on you living the life you actually want.

Because I have god damn been there.

I've been on the floor of my bathroom more times than I can count wondering how the heck I was going to get up and make it through another day let alone live a life that looked like this?!?

So yes, I WILL share the shit that has me go "fuck is that too selfish, too 'much', too materialistic?"

I WILL share the highs and lows of this lifestyle.

I WILL share the ecstatic pinch myself moments.

I WILL share it god damn all.

Because I am done pretending that your life isn't possible to be changed REGARDLESS of your circumstances so you can feel comfortable hiding away.

D O N E.

You deserve more.

Cheers to THAT.

🖤

Moments That Count

I WANTED TO THROW A JUG OF WATER OVER THIS POST.

It's easy to be willing to risk it all when you know the odds are in your favour.

When you know the outcome will have people like you.

But what about when you feel the risk of rocking the boat?

Of really pushing buttons?

Of really BOLDLY speaking your truth and people not liking you because of that?

Are you willing to risk it all then?

This is one of those posts I considered throwing fabric softener onto.

Tossing a jug of water over.

OR not writing at all.

See the people pleaser in me is shaking at the moment. She feels scared. She's waving her arms begging me to go back, to shrink back, to water down. She wants me to stop.

But I can't do it anymore.

I can't operate with the fuel of my sole purpose in life being to have others like and accept me.

I'm so done with it.

It even FEELS old.

Manipulative.

Controlling.

DONE.

I choose, again and again, to know myself as a Woman who boldly shares her voice, who only speaks her truth, who is so fucking anchored in who she is that nothing outside of her rocks her for long.

A woman who people know they can be around and just fully be themselves and truly GET that they can be that with me. Regardless.

I choose again and again to allow my rebellious heart to roam free and to live MY way. Not how others decide I need to be.

And it's fucking risky.

Holy shit am I present to that right now.

My chest hurts.
My stomachs twisted.
My hearts racing.

Because I can feel how much an old identity is being let go of right now. And it's come from a seemingly small series of events, yet there is something SO big for me under it all.

You know what I journaled on this morning? The fact that how others receive us is none of our damn business.

I am not a lovely gift wrapped present for others to receive.

No.

I am me.

And people are allowed to receive me however they damn choose.

People know who I am. They know my intent. They know my heart. And if they don't, that's not up to me to control them into.

And that's what I used to do.

I would pull out the victim card, I would water down, I would APPEASE others, I would be damn digestible so others would HAVE to like me.

EW.

Yuck.

No fucking more.

Who am I to control how someone sees me? Receives who I am? Feels around me?

People get to be however they feel AND it is never up to me, to us, to hold that.

I have never been so willing to risk it all to actually know myself as the kind of woman I want to be.

So willing to risk people thinking badly of me so I get to truly know my own power and sovereignty.

So willing to rock the boat on what others make of what I do or don't say in order to honour what's on my heart.

So willing to be totally and utterly alone if it means being FULLY me, all fucking sides.

So willing to show up too much, be 'too seen', take up 'too much space', irritate people in order to express all of what I have to say.

So willing to shatter all the old beliefs and ways of beings I once clung to for safety in order to really experience my own power.

I have never been so willing to risk it all, to gain it all.

These are the moments that count.

🖤

Hear Me Fucking Roar

I'm not here to make you feel comfortable.


I'm not here to buy into your beliefs to have you feel safe.


I'm not here to steady the ocean so your boat isn't rocked.


I'm not here to be digestible to you so you can ignore your own fears and insecurities.


I'm not here to appease, to subordinate, to lay down while you decide how life gets to be.


My truth will always be my truth.

My life will be lived how I decide.

My voice will be spoken how She chooses.


And if my actions, my choices, my desires aren't what you decide is acceptable? Sweet, I'm not here to live for you.


I choose to now, and always, know myself as a Woman who follows HER truth re-fucking-gardless of what someone else decides is okay.


I'm a Woman of Her own.


#HearMeFuckingRoar


🖤

You Being YOU is the Purpose

I thought it needed to be bigger.

This morning I was writing about my purpose, what I bring to the world, what I'm a stand for.

And I realised that I have placed so much pressure on "the thing".

On knowing what THE thing is.

On having clarity around why I'm here.

And every time the word purpose, or mission, or vision comes up - I tensed inside, I felt myself shrink in, a pit of uncertainty grew in my stomach.

Whenever I explored what I feel my purpose was, I found myself going..."that can't be it?" "that's not enough?" "that doesn't feel impactful?"

This morning I realised how much I was expecting myself to be BIGGER than what I am - not seeing the bigness, the impact, the gift just BEING me gets to be.

I felt like I owed the world something.

I mean surely I wasn't gifted the experiences I was to just...be me?

I was waiting for a huge world changing purpose to drop in.

My purpose has to be more than what I'm writing, right?! I have to KNOW what my purpose is right now, right?!?

Yet I know myself enough to know that I grow, change, pivot so fast in life that "the thing" on the surface feels like it changes regularly.

And with that comes a spiral of "is this really what I want? Is it really "the thing" , isn't there more I'm here to do?" (getting the picture of the pressure shit storm yet?)

Yet when I peak under the pivoting and new decisions, when I lift the lid and SEE whats under it all. It's always the same.

To be the stand. To be a change. To take radical self ownership, leadership & responsibility for my life and ignite in others the awareness to do the same.

It's THROUGH the online business.
It's THROUGH the Facebook posts.
It's THROUGH the writing.
It's THROUGH the Facebook lives.
It's THROUGH the full utter self expression.

It's THROUGH it all.

Under it is me, standing for me, taking FULL ownership of my entire life (the good and the bad) and as a result being a stand for the fact that WE GET TO CHOOSE TO LIVE OUR LIVES. With all the old, odd, bad, painful, traumatic experiences.

I KNOW with every inch of my being that we are all gifted the lives we lead for a unique reason for us. And THAT is the purpose. THAT is the gift. THAT is why we are here.

I expected myself to know what "it is" like it needs to be defined by a carefully select few words that envelope my whole entire existence and the meaning of my life... (ya know, no biggie)

So instead of expecting myself to KNOW so clearly, defined so beautifully and captured in text what my purpose is. I chose to BE it instead, and know that it is ALWAYS the purpose, on purpose, a purpose.

You're the gift.
Your life is the mission.
You being YOU is the purpose.

The clarity around it comes when you get that.

Be A Stand For You

When did you stop giving yourself permission to just be...you?

When you decided all of the things you loved in life were no longer allowed?

When you found a tiny box that you decided you had to spend your life living in?

When did you decide that there was an encyclopedic sized book full of rules you had to follow?

....and, when will you decide to let it all go?

to choose to be fully, utterly, completely YOU?

and to allow Her to change each day as she chooses?

I’m sitting here this morning, journaling about my highest self and how epic She is & how grateful I am that decided to give myself permission to embody her now, and choosing I get to be ME in all my oddness, in all my sassyness, in all my desires, in all my edges; in all my beauty, in all my mess - in all of it.

The level of freedom I’ve experienced within myself in the first few weeks of 2019 is like nothing I’ve ever known in me.

I’ve explored new edges.
I’ve met new depths.
I’ve seen more expression.
I’ve felt more space taken up.
I’ve felt more...me.

And it all came from a choice; from deciding that I get to be me, explore Her & express Her in the world REGARDLESS of anything outside of me.

I decided. 
I was a stand for that.
I am a stand for me.

And now, a few weeks into 2019 and I’m the free-est I’ve ever felt, more content in who I am than I’ve ever been & more curious of what my journey gets to continue to be.

and it all began with a choice.

A choice & a big self proclaimed permission slip that Lauren gets to be Lauren.

Whether she’s digestible to the world or not; she’s Lauren.

You get to be you.

Choose.
Decide.
Be a stand for you.

🖤

You Get to Redefine Yourself

A photo recently came up in my memories and it's amazing that it was only three years ago.

Three years on and I'm back in the same room at my Dads yet a completely different Woman.

Not only did I look different then, I was different.

I was just starting to heal myself.
I was unsure on how my future looked.
I didn't quite know what was next for me.

We had lost my cousin a month or so earlier and I was in a relationship where I didn't yet know how to receive love.

I had recently returned to work a few months before after having time off as I wasn't doing well mentally.

I had vowed to never self harm again and was finding new ways to BE with everything I felt.

It was the beginning in a way.

I redefined who I knew myself as.

And I still get to, regularly.

Now I'm a woman who has the capacity to not only give love but receive it.

Who knows how to support herself on all levels and takes huge responsibility for it.

Who loves on herself especially in the moments when it would be easier not too.

Who can be with the waves of the depths and heights.

I'm now a Woman who just is, gets to be, and becomes.

You get to redefine who you know yourself as, regardless of where you've come from.

I choose to be a stand for that.

I Wasn't Ready For 2019

I wanted to stay in the “middle” phase between Christmas and New Year longer than we had.

Why?

2018 was comfortable.

Even in the discomfort, it was comfortable. I had built the muscle of being comfortable with the decisions I had made in 2018 and none of them scared me anymore. They just were how I was.

2018 was safe.

I was still hiding. I hadn’t fully let go of the need to justify who I was. To please others. To let go of an identity that no longer served me.

2018 was the end of the old and beginning of the new, and now 2019 was here and it’s new.

It’s the unknown.
It’s the uncertainty.
It’s the being seen.

It’s new.
And it’s here.

And I decided I wasn’t ready.

I’ve had weeks of waves of deep sadness and what I could only describe as feeling lost and depressed. In fact there were days where I didn’t want to get out of bed, or get up and go back to bed. I’ve never felt like I could sleep as long as I have lately. And I’m not tired, I just have felt..sad.

And none of this is from a victim place, or anything being “wrong” - it just is how I’ve felt. And knowing I’ll ALWAYS be a stand for the truth and share from a truly authentic place, I felt to share this. Because well I can’t not, and I want you to know the people you decide are brave and courageous, still have doubts and fears just like you.

2019 started with being really SEEN with such deep love by women around me. 
Without hiding behind stories or justifications for who I was.
Without using anything to “PROVE” I was enough.

2019 started by me just BEing…ME

And it totally rattled me.

I spoke to my beautiful soul sister last night and it came out…”I’m not ready”. I’m not ready for 2019.

And today, just now, I’ve realised. I wasn’t ready for what I thought 2019 had to be.

See I’m a super fiery woman. I get shit done. I set a goal and achieve it. I am amazing at DOING. But the BEing? The trusting me? The just standing in who I am without the need to slap anything on top? HEY NEWNESS.

So 2019, I AM ready. I am ready for what I decide it is moment to moment. Not what I think it should be, or boxes I feel I SHOULD tick.

2019 I’m ready to BE.

In all meanings of the word, with all the words that can follow that.

BE.

Go ALL IN

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much can change, and how quickly it can.⁣

From realising how fucking different my life is from only a few months ago to realising how drastically different I am in who I BE, it’s kind of mind blowing. ⁣

I mean only five months ago I was in a ‘stable’ job, getting a loan for a new car, prepping for a comp, talking long term commitments and basically seeking a life of stability to now in under a month being ‘homeless’, packing up to be in Bali in two months, working for myself, creating crazy shit, and feeling so free in who I am. ⁣

I mean THE FUCK!? 😂😂⁣

A few years ago I was so fucking lost⁣
I was hating myself⁣
I was self destructing⁣
I was suicidal⁣
I was a hot mess (and I’m so freaking grateful for it because without it I wouldn’t have the experience of myself I now do) ⁣

I mean now? Jesus I’m a completely different woman.⁣

I’m so clear on who I am⁣
I’m so comfortable expressing all sides of me ⁣
I feel so grounded in my space ⁣
I have so much capacity IN myself 
And I’m truly able to pivot with all that life throws my way.⁣

And I’m sharing this so you get how different life can be.⁣

Truly.⁣

I have come from less than amazing experiences ⁣
Traumas ⁣
Hardship⁣
Loss ⁣
Confusion & disconnection on so many levels ⁣

And now I’m ONLY available for deep soul connections⁣
Epic friendships⁣
Wild lush sex ⁣
Conversations that ignite ⁣
Work that feels like play ⁣
And full fucking self expression ⁣

I told myself months ago that I was done with hard and struggle in my life and now life gets to be fucking next level epicness (and even the hard and struggle gets to be epic) and so it is. ⁣

So, decide what it is you want.⁣
Go all fucking in. ⁣
And then buckle up because it’s a wild ride. ⁣

Live ya damn life ✌🏼💥

P.S I say fuck a lot....

Choosing BOTH Sides

Here’s the thing- living this lifestyle is epic and it’s also challenging AF

I wrote this yesterday lying in the bath with the worst migraine I’d had in years. The day before I spent 8+ hours with my soul sister jamming on work creation which quickly became hours of deep conversation & shifting lifetimes.

What then followed was whole body exhaustion, waves of deep emotion & migraines.

On top of that I am looking at my car being bought which means I officially have nothing tangible to ‘keep me here’ and Bali moving is well and truly happening.

And while people are having conversations of weeks off and going on holidays I’m navigating my first end of year being fully self employed and how that looks.

I’m growing rapidly and to be real? My body is trying to keep up.

Now I love it. Don’t get me wrong
And it’s equally challenging AF at times

There’s no sick days off
No paid holidays 
No ‘leaving work at the office’

And to be fair it’s so easy to be constantly thinking about the next thing

AND I’d never live another way - truly

But just know, that it’s still challenging AF and days like yesterday I’d love a ‘sickie’ and to leave work to someone else.

My intention here is to remind you to choose your choosing and choose BOTH sides, because expecting one without the other is a sure fire way to misery.

And if you decide that living this life is a choice you wanna make them choose it

But choose the challenges with it

Because they’re just as real as the utter joy

I wrote this yesterday lying in the bath with the worst migraine I’d had in years. The day before I spent 8+ hours with my soul sister jamming on work creation which quickly became hours of deep conversation & shifting lifetimes.

What then followed was whole body exhaustion, waves of deep emotion & migraines.

On top of that I am looking at my car being bought which means I officially have nothing tangible to ‘keep me here’ and Bali moving is well and truly happening.

And while people are having conversations of weeks off and going on holidays I’m navigating my first end of year being fully self employed and how that looks.

I’m growing rapidly and to be real? My body is trying to keep up.

Now I love it. Don’t get me wrong
And it’s equally challenging AF at times

There’s no sick days off
No paid holidays 
No ‘leaving work at the office’

And to be fair it’s so easy to be constantly thinking about the next thing

AND I’d never live another way - truly

But just know, that it’s still challenging AF and days like yesterday I’d love a ‘sickie’ and to leave work to someone else.

My intention here is to remind you to choose your choosing and choose BOTH sides, because expecting one without the other is a sure fire way to misery.

And if you decide that living this life is a choice you wanna make them choose it

But choose the challenges with it

Because they’re just as real as the utter joy

Celebrate YOU

This is a message to every Woman who has ever tried to shrink herself in the world and every Man who feels he needs to be more.

I see you.
I see you in all your unique beauty.
I see you in all your boldness.
In all your exquisiteness. 
In all you stand for.
In all you hold.
In all you BE.
In all that makes you YOU.

You’re so appreciated for who you are.
Not for how you look or what you wear or how you appear.
For who you are

The need to impress 
To gain approval
To seek acceptance
Isn’t necessary. 
It isn’t required 
It isn’t fulfilling 
YOU need to get you. 
That’s it.

You’re fucking incredible, truly
Do you get that?

My hope is that you do.
That you stop trying to change how you look
Stop trying to control what you eat
Stop trying to fit in 
Stop trying to blend 
To adapt 
To shrink 
To grow

That you celebrate the fucking magnificent woman and man that is YOU.

From a woman who’s spent so many years trying to fit
Trying to shrink
Trying to belong
Trying to change how she looked to avoid being with how she felt

I see you
I feel you
And I want you to see you too.

I feel the pain of humans trying to constantly fucking be anything except who they are.
I feel it today. 
The idea that SOMETHING needs to change about them.
How they look
How they speak
What they like
Who they love

It hurts.

Because we see you, and the idea that you’d ever want to change what makes you you!?? Ouch

It needs to end. And I get it. My heart hurts today for the woman I once was too. Trying to constantly prove something to the world. Trying to become something , when all along I always WAS.

To that woman in me, I love you, THANK YOU, and I see you.

Women, men, we are SO much more than what people see
So much more than how we look
So much more than the space we take in the world

Wear what has you feel fucking exceptional
Express yourself how YOU choose 
Look however lights you up

Just fucking be you.

You’re doing a freaking stunning job at being a human

Friends, celebrate that and you.

❤️

NOTHING LIKE A CUP OF JUDGEMENT AT 6AM

This morning as I walked into my 6am Bikram class #becauseendorphins, I noticed HUGE waves of self judgement.

ahhh hello old friend.

As I opened the door and stepped into the space I had to giggle, "nothing like a cup of judgement before 6am"

I realised long ago that self judgement isn't something we get rid of.

It's just something that's there.

That rises from time to time.

That's a natural part of being human

AND it doesn't need to mean anything.

Let's repeat that bit ==> IT DOESN'T NEED TO MEAN ANYTHING

In fact it can just be a laughable thought followed by "I love you, whatcha need girl?"

And I get it.

I get how debilitating it can be. I have spent many years spiralling in my head, trying to change who I am, wishing I was different, adapting, conforming, squishing. Wondering what was wrong with me.

And you know what I realised? We ALL experience it. There is nothing to change. And it actually doesn't need to mean anything about us. Except that we're human.

So this morning as I stepped in the Yoga space, with my body that has changed again and again, my hair that is shorter than I'm used too, my boobs that are itty bitty, and my mind full of stories of what it all COULD mean...
....I stripped down, sat in my sports bra and looked at myself in the mirror with such awe of the Woman before me.

A woman who...
.... would once NEVER strip off like this unless she was "skinny enough"

... would once spiral into deep depression and anxiety over thoughts like this

... would once punish her body for looking the way it does

... would once withdraw and hide away in the midst of other women who she decided were "better than her"

... would once look at the Woman before her now and never imagine she would be her.

Self judgement and all.

Can you be with yourself in the humanness?

#ItsOkToBeYou

❤️

BEING The Fire & The Flame

Fire is relentless.
She burns regardless of the world around her.
You hear her.
See her.
Feel her.
You just KNOW she is there.
She is an energy.
A way of being.
Her voice burning through the spaces she chooses.
Leaving a path of her trailing behind. 
The flame is igniting.
She sparks life into things dull.
She fuels energy for things lifeless.
She lights urgency in things stagnant.
She creates the chain of events.
She IS the chain of events.
She IS the affect.
She is powerful.
Creative.
Explosive.
Raw. 
A woman who embodies the fire and is the flame is a woman empowered.
She IS the flame.
She IS the fire.
She IS the full embodiment of all this means.
She ignites her own empowerment.
Sparks her own creativity.
Lights her own vision.
She is everything she wants to be.
She is it all.
For herself. 
She spits fireballs of truth with no regard for the blazing trail it leaves.
She knows her words are hers.
She knows the voice she has.
She knows the truth she holds.
And nothing can dull that flame. 
A woman of fire, a woman of flame, knows she is power.
She isn’t afraid to see the burn in that.
To see the captivation of being her.
To OWN the uniqueness in who she is.
There is no ignoring her power.
No playing small of her being.
No disregarding her presence. 
For you can’t ignore a forest on fire.
Burning with the scent of passion & purpose.

🔥🔥🔥🔥

This is for YOU

The ones who want more from life
The ones who are committed to fucking living
The ones who dare to be different
The ones who break the 'rules'
The ones who go first
The ones who choose for THEM before anyone else
The ones who are willing to get messy with life
The ones who REFUSE to settle
The ones who follow their soul 
The ones who are NON FUCKING NEGOTIABLE on their standards
The ones who have the courage to risk it all
The ones who love deeply, share openly, speak truthfully

This is for YOU.

Keep going.

Regardless of how it looks
Regardless of how it feels at times
Regardless of how others perceive you

Keep freaking going.

I see you.
I hear you. 
I am you.

And the world needs more of us.

Thank you for being you, the badass THIS IS ME, you 🤘

I'm Human Too

I still have fears 
Self doubt still rises
Insecurity lingers 
Anxiety hangs out (see all my posts this week) 
I feel ‘too much’ 
I feel self centred 
I share things and then wonder if it was ‘the right thing’ to say 
I contradict myself 
And sometimes I still worry what people will think (which even that contradicts my live I just did)

I’m sharing this so you get that you’re not the only one and it’s actually normal to feel how you do

AND it’s actually not a reason to not do the things you want to in life

If I tried to wait for all of ^^^ to go before I did anything, I’d never get out of bed.

If we spent as much time trying to change the things about ourselves that we decided aren’t okay, as we did on actually LIVING - imagine how different our human experience would be .

Sometimes I feel like we forget that we’re all going through similar things in our own space, all trying to understand this thing called life.

So a reminder today that you can give yourself a damn break, be the badass human that you are and just play with it all. Yep even the human shit.